What the heck is up with Hollywood right now? This is such a long and intense movie drought. Hanna and I go to the movies a lot, and there were only three movies I saw in 2011 that I actually liked. They were:
The King’s Speech
Drive
Martha Marcy May Marlene
Everything else, from Super 8 to Ides of March to Harry Potter, was yawn-tastic.
2011 was a terrible year for movies, and when the list of Best Picture nominees comes out, you’ll think 4 of them sucked or at least shouldn’t be nominated, 2 are worthy, and you didn’t see the remaining 4, because they didn’t appeal to you, because they sucked.
2012 is starting off with a thud, movie-wise, too. We walked out on Young Adult last week, mostly due to the heat, but also because the movie was pure, hookless pap for the first 15 minutes.
This is what’s playing at our theater and I have absolutely no interest in any of them:
- War Horse (more like SNORE horse)
- We Bought a Zoo (I bought a ticket - psyche. what the hell is this thing anyway?)
- The Adventures of Tintin in 3D (should be called Tintin and the Uncanny Valley)
- The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (boring book, overhyped movie, worst bangs in cinema history)
- Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (the mission was to fill the theater - oh damn)
- Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (as much as I appreciate the horrendous pun that includes my name, I have no interest in accompanying any child in my life to witness the continuing effacement of an already abysmal franchise)
- Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (no.)
- The Muppets (this is the only movie I am likely to see on this list, and even though I read a gigantic New Yorker article about it, I’m still not convinced that this will avoid somehow tarnishing my 30-year relationship with the Muppets.)
In conclusion, I’ll be on the couch watching streaming Netflix while Hollywood hangs itself with a noose of incompetence and tired formulas.
